Dark Days
I am not trying to be a slacker poster. I've just been going through a rough patch right now, and I was discussing with a friend at lunch yesterday, it doesn't matter how honest you are trying to be, it's hard to put those thoughts and feelings up in cyber-land without feeling really vulnerable. And frankly, I am tired of listening to myself whine.
I am sure some is hormonal, and fear of the unknown in this whole pregnancy thing, and being overwhelmed with life in general. I think that entering November, and the holiday season, is likely a large part of it. My sense of loss in not having my mother here right now is thick and pea-soup foggy, it's hard and metallic, it's a dull pain that just won't go away. I feel it in things I can't share with her, in trying to register for baby items and seeing mother-daughter pairs excitedly buying things, in having my doctor evaluate me for premature birth risk factors and just not knowing the answers about what my mom's pregnancy was like.
Maybe the time change will do something to help.
I am sure some is hormonal, and fear of the unknown in this whole pregnancy thing, and being overwhelmed with life in general. I think that entering November, and the holiday season, is likely a large part of it. My sense of loss in not having my mother here right now is thick and pea-soup foggy, it's hard and metallic, it's a dull pain that just won't go away. I feel it in things I can't share with her, in trying to register for baby items and seeing mother-daughter pairs excitedly buying things, in having my doctor evaluate me for premature birth risk factors and just not knowing the answers about what my mom's pregnancy was like.
Maybe the time change will do something to help.
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