Si Se Puede

(ok, if you don't want to hear about my boobs, you're going to want to avoid this post)

So, for the last few weeks, Beatrix has been on a nursing strike.  It's starting to feel less like a strike and more like self-weaning, and I am having a really hard time with it.

Associated with that, my supply is going down.  I've tried all the herbal natural remedies, wheat beer, reglan, compresses, etc.  I've tried various techniques to get her to nurse:  bathing with her, anticipating when she is hungry, "hot switching," talking to lactation consultants, etc.  Nothing is helping and it is getting me so down.  I've just been completely indecisive for an hour about whether or not to pay an online person $5.50 postage for a batch of nursing shirts, because I don't know if I will even wear them.  I feel like a complete failure as a mother if I cannot even nurse my own daughter.  I dread the thought of having to drag along formula wherever we go, especially as we travel.  I don't even know how to buy formula.

I so wanted to nurse this child.  Everything I read talks about how it's so much better.  I just don't know how to fix this.

In similar but related news I trekked all the way to Edina the other day for a playgroup, only to have it cancelled because I was the only mom that showed up.  The yoga studio that hosts it completely intimidates me.  This mom thing is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I am not convinced I know how to do any of it.

Comments

Leah said…
hang in there honey. You can, and ARE, doing a really good job.
May 25, 2008 at 10:43 PM
Sarah said…
It's going to be OK. You're a good mom, and you're doing what you need to do for your daughter. It's hard, but it won't last forever. Plus, you've got eggs of steel!

For what it's worth, my mom couldn't nurse me at all. (I was allergic to breast milk.) I guess I turned out all right. I've certainly never had any major health problems, and I'm reasonably intelligent (incidents of driving barefoot notwithstanding). If a random anecdote makes you feel any better....
May 26, 2008 at 4:20 PM
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