Everyone Has a Different Kind of Father's Day

We've had a really lazy Father's Day so far, celebrating this awesome guy:


And I spent some time missing this guy:


When you lose a parent, there are a ton of different stages of grief, some of which are very present and some of which are deep and far-away feeling. And sometimes those moments are right next to each other.

Our yoga teacher, Viv, apparently talked a lot about her dad Norbert in class yesterday. Norbert is amazing. He is a woodworker, and a beekeeper, and I have loved talking to him every time I have had the chance. He's 85, and is having a series of small but significant medical issues that might well mean that this is the last Father's Day that Viv has with him. So I knew going into this weekend it would be hard for her.

Apparently though someone yesterday took issue with it, that Viv talked too much about that without thinking about those who had lost their fathers. Which is a point. I get it. When I was pregnant, and I would see expectant moms shopping with their moms, I was consumed by jealousy. There have been any number of times when I have heard people complain about their parents and, if I was having a bad day in particular, my mind would go immediately to how they should be more grateful.

But you know what? Those are my thoughts. They are centered around me and my experiences. There's no way that others (even those closest to me) should — or even could — live their messy lives and relationships around worrying about how I might interpret that. 

Because the ONLY thing in life we can control is ourselves and our reactions to things. Much as we might want to, we can't *make* others behave in the ways we want them to all the time. Heck, I have a hard enough making me behave the way I want to.

So, for all of you out there, I'm thinking of you today. And I'm thinking of your dad, even if I have never met them, and how your relationship to him is probably a little bit complicated. And if you ever want to talk to me about him, I would love to hear it. If you want to vent, I'm there for it too.

Because we could all use a little more grace.


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