Mother's Day

As is evidenced by the fact that my father's ashes still sit on the bookshelf, I am slow with the whole cemetery thing. I finally got a vase placed on my mother's niche last November, and so today clipped a few things from the garden and brought them over. Mother's Day at Oakland Cemetery is very busy (I don't know why that had not occurred to me before), an it helps somewhat to remember that I am not the only one missing my mom today.

(Circus shows already have me missing her a lot, thinking about how much she would have loved to see Beatrix perform).

But a reminder of the complexity of the day is very fitting. Perhaps this year more than most, as we start to see family again — and remember those lost — it's an emotional day for a lot of people. It's already a day that is fraught with reminders of what we DON'T have (including those who have difficult parental relationships, those who have lost children, those that don't have children for any number of reasons, those to whom the idea of "mother" carries a lot of layers) — and it's hard to celebrate moms without being aware of the pain that others carry. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves for perfect days/memories, and maybe we should allow ourselves some grace. And that's ok.

From the time I was a small child, my family has done a Mother's Day brunch, Last year, it was distanced/delivered. This year, for many reasons, it can't happen, but we're having cocktails together later. And that's ok.

Today I'm thankful for my daughter, and my stepchildren, and my husband who made those things possible. I'm thankful for all the wonderful women in my life. And I'm a little bit sad too. And that's ok.

Much love to you all.